My good friend, Vera, once told me that the surest way to divorce court was by way of the wallpaper store. “Never hang wallpaper with your husband” was her rule.
I had my own rule of places to avoid: The car.
I realize that, in the course of a 35 year marriage, it is sometimes necessary to drive together. But, almost every time Joel and I drive to an unfamiliar place, we would have what one might kindly call “a discussion.”
And then, one day, we didn’t. We had rented a car that came equipped with GPS. We drove from our home to JFK airport – our actual destination — without one single wrong turn or unkind word.
So, being of sound mind, we went out and bought a GPS immediately upon return from our trip. Unfortunately, the one we bought couldn’t even find our house from a mile away. In retrospect, maybe it just wanted a challenge. Or, just maybe, we had purchased a cheap device.
So, we bought a better one. And that one was more reliable.
However, nirvana was too good to last. My wonderful husband is meticulous about details and, having already experienced some unplanned side trips, he understandably wants validation that we are on the right path.
So, traveling with Joel is sort of like studying Talmud. Let me explain. In the middle of every page of Talmud sits an original source text. Surrounding that block of text is discussion and debate in the form of centuries of rabbinic opinions recorded from oral tradition.
Our travel discussions are similar, up to a point. Although we both agree on the destination, Joel wants multiple opinions on how to reach it. So, our trips invariably include commentary by mapquest, google, the AAA map, and road signs – not to mention the woman with the British accent telling us where to go. And, since Joel wants me to pay attention to every single one of the “rabbis,” I get increasingly confused, we sometimes take a wrong turn, and the decibel level in the car gets progressively higher.
GPS is truly a great addition to modern life, but if I were at all technologically capable, I would add a couple features. First would be one in which the British lady tells us where to turn off to find a decent sandwich, a clean bathroom, or a gas station. Road signs promising said places invariably lie, making us drive miles out of our way.
Perhaps even more helpful would be having the British lady come equipped with a degree in either conflict resolution or marriage counseling.
Technology is wonderful. We just have to harness it for good.
Good one, Carol. Several years ago, our daughter Emily traveled with us to a family bat mitzvah….she in the back seat with our grandson and Herb and myself in the front. I don’t remember now who was driving. After listening to her parents’ back and forth, she piped up that we had probably reached the time when a GPS would be especially helpful in keeping us from barking at each other. We bought one the next week and have been traveling quite well together since. Our navigator is Laura, who sometimes messes up, but usually does a pretty good job….in particular a dark night in South Carolina on back roads, where we still would be if not for Laura!
Enjoyed the Talmudic reference and will now forward this to our kids…..including the Talmud scholar!
Janet
LOL! Sounds just like our family and GPS. Just imagine if GPS came with the voice of Jackie Mason!
Ha Ha Ha….I feel your gps angst.
You haven’t lived until you use a gps to get around in Jerusalem, where as wonderful as it is, the city fathers feel no compulsion to include street signs on the intersections
My husband has no love for our GPS woman. He is convinced that she takes us from Point A to Point B the longest and most difficult way possible. Our grandchildren call her “Flora”. So instead of relying on Flora’s knowledge, he insists on obtaining directions over the phone from whomever we are visiting or the place that we are headed to. I am responsible for feeding the information to Flora, holding onto the written directions as well as the Mapquest directions that I print out from the Internet. And just like my dear friend Carol, I am balancing the written words on my lap.
On a recent 5 hour journey from the Berkshires to the north fork on Long Island, we decided to turn off the GPS because the woman’s voice was starting to make my head feel as if my brain was being removed without any anesthesia. Big mistake. I should have taken Advil instead. Anyway, the car was suddenly very quiet and I was now reading directions to husband Andy. I somehow missed an entire line of “go left and then go right” and we ended up in a power generating facility instead of our daughter’s driveway with cute grandchildren waving from the porch. The truth is, this is not the first time I skipped a few lines from written directions. I am sort of notorious for doing it.
We had to give in and turn the GPS back on and ended up listening to Flora say in a most sarcastic voice “recalculating recalculating” about 50 times.
I can definitely relate to the comments about “tension” in the car and I think at that point we needed either marriage counseling or anger management therapy.
The next time we are on a road trip, I want to take along someone with the great wisdom of King Solomon or better yet, give the GPS the sweet voice of my Grandma Gussie, who would say, “No fighting children. So what if you are a bisl farmisht (a bit lost) – now go and have a nice piece of strudel”.
Lorrin Krouss